Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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