i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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