I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
