is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
