I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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