He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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