I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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