none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
