did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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