Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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