Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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