I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
