In the future we'll all be gay
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
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