I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
