I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
