my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
