There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
