In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
