So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
