last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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