When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
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I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
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Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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