Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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