This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
