He asked me if I "almost moaned"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
