Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You ruined the universe
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
