I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
