Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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