Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
