I want to have your abortion
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
