Sry I called you an 8
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
