sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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