I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
