I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
