i was born a porn star she said
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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