he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
