Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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