Having a random hookup so left but love u
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
