My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
