I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
