literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize