She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
tell me about the eggs
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