why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
