Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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