I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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