She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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