so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
