i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Small penises have feelings too.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
