I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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