My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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