I cockslap morals
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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