So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
