i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
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thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
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Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.