Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Deaf chicks here I come
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.