He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
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You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
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Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?