if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
