Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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