it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess