no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.