There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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