We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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