he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize