Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Come on in and take your pants off
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