discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I wear drunk well.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
