Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
