I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize