im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
