Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
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I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
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We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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