We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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