All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize