New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I see more hoeing in ur future
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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