he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
