Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I haven't been this sober since birth.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
