i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
