I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
