Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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