There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
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