honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
