I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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