so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
