I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
