i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
