theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
just tell him i said nine months
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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