whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
