So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
