There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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