After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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