pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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