I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
