haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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