Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
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Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
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I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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