Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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