he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
