it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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