you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
