i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
