Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
