I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
