it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
