Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
