I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
